63 Hillariously Sarcastic Quotes of all time – #43 is a Must Read

People who are regarded as funny (meaning they have a high sense of humour) tend have broad-minded attitudes and relaxed temperaments in the company of others (otherwise that person won’t be able to give off a sense of humour). 

For more than 2,000 years pundits have assumed that all forms of humor share a common ingredient. The search for this essence occupied first philosophers and then psychologists, who formalised the philosophical ideas and translated them into concepts that could be tested.

Perhaps the oldest theory of humour dates back to Plato and other ancient Greek philosophers, that people find humour in, and laugh at, earlier versions of themselves and the misfortunes of others because of feeling superior. 

Check this post on best savage quotes from Rick and Morty.

 

Here are 63 quotes to tickle your sense of humour right up!

1. “When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”
2. “I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.”
3. “Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.”
4. “I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?
5. “Find your patience before I lose mine.”
6. A sarcastic quote full of sarcasm
7. “It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.”
8. “Do you think God gets stoned? I think so… look at the platypus.” Robin Williams, Actor
9. “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” Steven Wright
10. “If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.”
11. “Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.”
12. “I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.”
13. “Life’s good, you should get one.”
14. “Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.”
15. “I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.”
16. “If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.”
17. “I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.”
18. A sarcastic quote full of sarcasm
19. “No, you don’t have to repeat yourself. I was ignoring you the first time.”
20. “Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.”
21. “Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.”
22. “You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the South? Nothing! Someone’s losing a trailer, number one.” Robin Williams, Actor
23. “I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.”
24. “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.”
25. “Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.”
26. “If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.”
27. “People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world.”
28. “I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
29. “Sarcasm–the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.”
30. “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”
31. “My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.”
32. “Well at least your mom thinks you’re pretty.”
33. “Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” Ashleigh Brilliant
34. “Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”
35. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” Robin Williams, Actor
36. “My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.”
37. “I would like to apologize to anyone I have not offended yet. Please be patient. I will get to you shortly.”
38. “When I ask for directions, please don’t use words like ‘East.'”
39. “Sometimes the amount of self-control it takes to not say what’s on my mind is so immense, I need a nap afterward.”
40. “The stuff you heard about me is a lie. I’m way worse.”
41. “Me pretending to listen should be enough for you.”
42. “Sometimes I wish I were a nicer person, but then I laugh and continue my day.”
43. “I’ve birthed an entire baby in less time than it takes my husband to poop.”
44. “Right before I die I’m going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting.”
45. “If you’re waiting for me to give a crap, you better pack a lunch. It’s going to be a while.”
46. “Marriage. Because your crappy day doesn’t have to end at work.”
47. “Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so I could slap eight people at once.”
48. “How much better would it be if a liar’s pants really did catch on fire?”
49. “What doesn’t kill you gives you a set of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a dark sense of humor.”
50. “You’d be in good shape… if you ran as much as your mouth.”
51. “Fun fact: Alcohol increases the size of the ‘send’ button by 89%.”
52. “I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I go normal from time to time.”
53. “I don’t keep secrets, I just keep people out of my business.”
54. “Be the reason someone smiles today… Or the reason someone drinks. Whatever works.”
55. “I don’t have a welcome mat at my door because I’m not a liar.”
56. “Ugliness can be fixed, stupidity is forever.”
57. “I’ll get over it. I just need to be dramatic first.”
58. “Lead me not into temptation. I know the way.”
59. “Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throwing ANYTHING away EVER. I snuggle out broken crayons like a Mexican druglord.”
60. “Sorry for being late. I got caught up enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.”
61. “Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.”
62. “My silence doesn’t mean I agree with you. It’s just that your level of ignorance has rendered me speechless.”
63. “You’re everything I want in someone I don’t want anymore.”
64. “If they act like they can live without you..without you… Help them do it”
65. “Shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.”

Conclusion

Humor is a way of coping with difficult or stressful situations. Laughter releases endorphins, which can help reduce stress and make us feel better.

Humor can be a way of connecting with others. Sharing a funny story or joke can help build relationships and create a sense of community. Some people are naturally funny and have a talent for making others laugh.

It can be a way of expressing creativity and originality. Finding a unique and amusing perspective on a situation can be a form of artistic expression.

It can be a way of making a point or conveying a message in a lighthearted and memorable way. Satire and parody, for example, can use humour to critique society and politics.

Overall, humour can bring joy and laughter into our lives, help us connect with others, and provide a creative outlet for self-expression.  Check out this post from Parade for more such quotes.